So in preparation for the first pitch, here are the three topics I’ve been thinking about creating artworks for. As an artist and also a writer, I as much as possible, would like to share works that are very personal because I’ve like to create these works as an avenue for me to express thoughts and feelings that I haven’t really told others.
I think very few people have particularly experienced drowning and I’m very lucky to have survived it when it happened to me when I was around 10 or something years old.
It’s probably the closest I had been to actually dying and a lot people would have described it as a horrible experience. But for me, I think it was very surreal. Like I’ve witnessed something strange and special when it happened to me. You know that saying where your life flashes back before your eyes when you’re dying? I think within the bright colors of the water, I might have experienced it.
Although I first created a piece reflecting this experience in my poem during LIT 14 class, and entitled it as Kaleidoscope, with the first pitch coming up, I felt compelled to compromise the writer and the artist in me to create something that reflects this experience not only in words but to the actual physical thing that I likened the experience to. I want to create a kaleidoscope for this piece, which will reflect an isolated, but broken world with blurred images and lines. It would be something that represents me as a child, remembering the things that I loved, while reflecting the obliviousness of the people around me while I was drowning. I want the viewer to experience a certain “surreal feeling”, while looking inside a kaleidoscope, see another world inside it that is beautiful, but also broken and distorted at the same time and how one struggles to make out things while so much that you don’t know is happening.
- Being alone.
I love being an Atenean. And I must admit that I do have a lot of friends and people who I love to hang out with. A lot of people would describe me as friendly or kind or nice, and since I hate awkwardness, I’d start conversations if I wanted to. However, as much as I seem like an extrovert, I’m actually a very introverted person. I love having alone time, but as much as I love being alone, it does make me a little lonely. This is a strange thing to admit, but I’ve kept receipts of the restaurants I ate in in the past year I have in Ateneo, and a lot of them I’d collected while I ate out alone, or well, while I “dated” myself. I think I want to create an artwork that reflects this love for being alone but also feeling lonely with it through the receipts I’ve collected throughout college. And again, while I love being alone very much, I do think that I’ve been wasting a lot of what could have been opportunities to get to know someone better…maybe I can create an artwork that reflects this with my receipts?)
I don’t exactly know how to create an artwork that would actually express what I’m feeling about this particular thing. It’s very personal and very well, a lot of people would call it a bit ridiculous, but I keep a lot of bottled up grief for not people, but things I’ve lost. It doesn’t just stretch to things per se, but also to living things.
I think my very first real experience with grief was when a pet dog who I really loved passed away. I remembered it when I watched this documentary “Nick and Chay” for FIL12 in Ateneo. It was about a family who lost all their kids in a storm, and after that they kind of treated their dogs like their kids instead. So she grieved for the dog who was run over as if it was her own child. And I think that was what grief was for me too. I felt like a mother who also lost her own child when it happene to me, and I just couldn’t forget it even it others kept telling me to get over it.I felt grief too when I lost a knitted strawberry keychain that the foster parent who took care of me in China gave me. I felf this again, when I lost the umbrella I bought from England last year. It was an umbrella that always seemed to make its way back to me. But when it was really gone, I couldn’t sleep soundly for a whole week.
Every single time this happened, I felt like I was losing a piece of me that represented a memory that I was fond of.
I think I want to create an artwork that tries to pull these things I grieved for from my memories, and that as much as they start to fade within my memories, they keep on coming back, and the attachment that I have just never seems to fade. I don’t know if I’m going to try creating portraits of them or what so I guess I’ll have to keep thinking about it?