Post-Defense Blog Post(with feels)


At first, as I watched other people defend over the course of two weeks, I couldn’t help but grow increasingly more anxious although I knew that having a defense didn’t look so bad. I was kind of actually dreading to have my own defense. And then it came.

I didn’t even know I was having my defense last Wednesday until I asked Sir Alfred in my FA AM class with him. It was funny, how I’ve been anticipating and dreading my defense and I was suddenly caught off guard (though not really, since it’s been a long time coming) when he told me.

Though I was nervous as fuck inside, I knew I had to get my shit together because: (1) though I was kind of scared shitless, I had to do it; and (2) I wanted to do it.

I wanted to do it, because as much as it would hurt to get criticized, I wanted to know what others thought about my work. Though I seemed confident and not worried about it, I was generally insecure about whether or not my artwork actually got anything across. My mother would sometimes tell me that she didn’t really get what I was trying to do, in my art or in, well, my course or life in general, and I guess that always made me feel insecure about whether or not I was making sense.

I love my work, and I love what I’m doing. I thought I was okay, and others would often tell me that my work was good and whatnot, but I guess it was hard for me to believe them because I didn’t know if they were saying that just to be nice. The bottom line was, I believed my work was good, but I didn’t know if it really was good, soΒ getting my work critiqued and hearing from the panelists meant a lot Β to me. Continue reading “Post-Defense Blog Post(with feels)”